Manual Book for Life

December 17, 2007 - One Response

There are lots of confusing things about life, and the reason why life is so confusing is because there is no manual book for life. You don’t get one manual book when you were born. There is no instruction to teach you how to live your life.

I ended up having to listen to what other people telling me to do. People started giving me whatever instruction they think is good, but are these instructions suitable for me? I don’t know. After all finally I get to have a chance to figure out my life. But there is no manual book at least for reference.

Life is so hard, and the worst part is that there is no manual book for it. I am really tired of life.

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The Sin Door

December 3, 2007 - Leave a Response

The other day I was sitting in the shop and there was an Indian girl came in with her mother, out of curiosity, I asked her what was the red dot between Indian woman’s eyes. She told me the spot is called “married spot”, when the girl is married the husband puts the red dot between the bride’s eyes.

“It’s also called ‘kum kum’!”She smiled.

“So what does that mean?” I asked.

“It means ‘sin door’! What do you want to know this for?”

“I just love to learn things from different culture!”

After she went, I sit at the counter and thought of what she told me. Sin door. The position is a very special point to a lot of religion or spiritual practice. It’s definitely a door, but in their culture they call it “sin door”. So when the Indian husband put the red dot for the bride, is he opening the sin door, or closing the sin door?

List of My Favourites (2)

November 1, 2007 - Leave a Response

* Bad art with good idea

* Bad music with good lyrics

* Bad boys with innocent eyes

* Bad man with irrisistable tenderness

* Bad girl with sexy appearence

* Bad joke with a good story

* Bad lover with loyalty

* Bad food with god neutrition

* Bad action with good attitude

* Bad job with good money

* Bad lie with good intention

…………….ask me for more 

A Really Boring Sad Day

October 19, 2007 - Leave a Response

Today I sat on the couch all day using my lap top. Translating a speech for a concert in Taiwanese Cultural Festival, facebooking, MSNing, emailing, photo editing, filing, etc.

I stood up at about 4pm, Chris said to me, “Ah! You are walking!” Candy said, “You should go for a walk with us! To Mitro 10!” “What do you go there for?” Chris asked Candy. “To buy concrete!” “What for?” “For eating!” “What do you eat that for?”… They are the cutest couple I have met. I started to realise that I am single now. I still can’t get used to this concept.

Finally at 6pm I finished translating the speech, I had a shower, felt a bit period pain. This time I didn’t have to take pain relief pills, maybe it’s because I sit on the couch all day.

And then I went back to Papakura for a meeting, I thought I was on time, no, I thought that I should have plenty of time, I got Darren’s text on the way nearly home, “where are you?” “on the way home.” I replied. “ok we wait for you.” But I was not even late?

I have never enjoyed the meetings there.They always ask you for advice, but they never are going to take the advice anyway. People only say what they want to say, they never listen when they should be listening. I am very disappointed about life, and the people around me. I am always the one who does something wrong, I am always the one who has to do whatever they ask me to. I am really sick of my life.

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I remember one time K asked me, “So who do you go to when you feel you need to talk to someone?” I said, “No one would ever listen to me, I just have to be by myself for a while and try to disolve all the stress and sadness.” K said, “That’s too hard for you having to do everything on your own!” He said to me, “You can always come to me, if you need someone to talk to. I am always here for you, anytime.” I was very touched by his words.

But I just realised that he is such a lier. If he couldn’t get himself organised, he should have never said that to me.

Sometimes I feel very very lonely, I am living by myself without a true friend. People telling me off to make me feel bad. People telling me nice but fake words to make me sadder later. The worst thing is that I believe in them!

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I was too sad by the end of the meeting, all I wanted to do was just to go home, as soon as possible. In the car I thought of all the people, all the things, I suddenly felt extremely sad, extremely. I cried alone in the car. No one knows, I don’t think anyone would care about me anyway.

I know the people around me are hopeless, they disappointed me again and again, they made me sad again and again. But in the end I still forgive them and try to forget all the sad things about my life.

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Every night I cut out my heart but in the morning it was full again.–Michael Ondaatje

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“You are a sensitive little flower.” P once told me.

I remembered, then he looked into my eyes, and kissed me. I loved him. Six months after I stopped seeing him, he got married to another woman. I remembered that he told me he never wanted to get married. I also remembered that he had never told me that he loved me. But it’s ok now, I don’t love him anymore.

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My mum sent me a series of text. “Life is like a drama, people come and go.” “Don’t be too attached by the human world, life is like a dream, don’t be regret when you wake up.” “Remember when you were little, in your primary school there were lots of kids, they were all cute and sweet, but they were not tidy and clean. I always dressed you up and made sure you were nice and clean at all time. Do you still remember that you were always the top student and the role model at the school?”

But why did you leave us when I was 9. Did you know how bad I felt after you left us? After I was 9 year old, Dad took me and brother to capital city, I had no friend, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where I was. No one liked me. Classmates laughed at me, they said that my skin colour was too dark. The teacher didn’t like me, she said I could be a top student in the country side, but it would never happen in the city school. She told everyone in front of the class that I was fat and questioned me in front of everybody, “Why don’t you make some friends? Why don’t you learn to socialise? Look at the other boy who just come to this school, he is a new student too, but look at him he got some friends now!”

I didn’t know how to make friends. I didn’t know how to socialise. I was poor, ugly, and filthy. No one likes to be with me. Everyone looked down on me because I was from country side and my parents’ marriage was broken. People whisper to each other, “Look at her, her mother went away and left the kids… irresponsible…”

Dad would always yell at me and brother, “You have no mother! Your mother is irresponsible! Your mother doesn’t want you anymore!” “Why don’t you go to die? If I had no kids I could have had a good life!” “Go to die! You are useless!” 

Everyday I was scared to go home, but I had no where to go. Where could I go? I thought of to end my life, I was only 9 years old.

I decided to never get married. I decided to never believe in love. I decided to hate all men in the world. I decided to not believe in men in the future. I decided to be on my own one day.

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All the memories came up my mind like they only happened yesterday.

For years I tried to forget them. I tried to forgive them. I tried to pretend nothing happened. But no matter how hard I tried, my heart has already hurted.

Throughout my life, I try not to hurt people’s heart, I try to treat people with respect, I try to forgive people, I try to make people happy. But no matter how much I try, I am still not happy. I still get depressed easily, I still feel sad and lonely when I am by myself. I usually look happy and confident, but I am scared to be alone. I like to be with people, but I feel uncomfortable to be with too many strangers.

I read lots and lots of books. I wrote lots and lots of letters to friends, my secrets, my sadness. I was always a sad person, writing was my only solace.

——————————————————————————-

Family can hurt people, no matter how far you go. The memories follow you, and create the shadow around.

Finally I came back to my flat, Candy asked me, “You don’t look happy?” “I’m not in the good mood.” I said. “Ok we chat tomorrow.”She smiled. No, I can never be sad in front of her. She is such mature and confident.

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I don’t dare to sleep, so I kept on writing. It’s 4:32AM now.

I am typing this entry, and watching the Food Channel on Sky TV. Food Channel is the pornography for the stomach. The Cheves keeps on changing, and making all kinds of food. Italian, Chinese, French, Greek, Top Chef, Chef at Home. I am hungry, I am also sleepy. But I don’t feel like going to sleep, it’s also too late for cooking instant noodle. It was really a boring day, and I felt sad, too.

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I hope the leaving is joyful, and I hope never to return. –Frida Kahlo

Today’s Diary

September 3, 2007 - Leave a Response

date: 03 September 2007

weather: warm/cold/cloudy/sunny

undie colour: blue

clothing: yellow Lakers jumpper and black pants

mood: sleepy

I woke up 6 am in the morning, went to toilet tried to do my No.2 but couldn’t make it. I remembered reading from the internet that drinking warm water will help so I drank 2 glasses of warm water and hoping it works.

And then I went to the bathroom, wet my hair and brushed my teeth, and then towel dried my hair and put some moose on, and then blow dry my hair.

Then I went to work, the battery discharge light was on again. The reason why I went to work early was because I wanted to ask my boss for a job offer, so I can apply for my working visa. I arrived work at 7:30 am and my boss was still not there. I sat on the ladder and waiting for him. Finally he came. I asked him about the discahge light and he said lots of things that I didn’t understand, anyway the conclusion was that I might need to see an electrician. And then Craig came and he asked Brian if he can have two days off, after a short discussion they started to fill out the time off sheets, and I was waiting outside Brian’s office. And then when Craig finished I went in and Craig came out and he said “Sorry Hungwei” and I said “It’s alright”

And then I went into Brian’s office to ask about the  job offer… He said he needed to hand the document to Ann to fill out the form…

And the day goes on. And then I come home, and I am sitting in front of the computer and now writing this entry. And feeling very tired.

An Entry For Dakotaism

August 29, 2007 - One Response

Ok Dakota if you see this now you should put a big smile on your face, this entry is proudly and only for you because of your consistency for bothering me to make one entry on this blog each day, and this entry is for today and yesterday and the day before yesterday…

Let’s see what’s going on to my life at this moment. It’s 3:41 am and I feel hopeless and useless. I am going to have an exhibition soon, but the progress is extremely slow, like I have never had one exhibition before. But luckily I have a nice easy going curator who never gets grumpy at me, he always says “That will be fine.” “That’s good.”, but I guess all people who have been well trained from art school talk like that. Even me sometimes do that too.

And work. Yes work. I still work in the car parts warehouse haven’t had any progress in the field of job hunting yet. But I do make some good friends and have some good laugh there. The situation is way better than when I just went work there. I used to be really depressed and thought of lots of sad things while I was walking in the piles of shelves. But now I can joke around with my colleagues and even borrow p*rn video from them. The best thing is I have the best mechanic (my boss) for my car and I can always trust him! I feel work place becomes my new family now.

And yes I SAW your new website! Today and yesterday and the day before yesterday! You become really handsome now and I am so so happy that you still wear my silver ring on your middle finger, it looks really sexy. And I love all of your photos and entries. I especially love the entry about me, but I hope I could look thinner in these photos! When are you coming to Auckland? I have lost 10 kg and have to throw away all my old cloths now so I hope you can take some new sexy photos for me and put onto your blog. And all your fans will be jealous at me because you are my fan! Remember we made an agreement that you are my official first fan? Ok don’t forget about it aye?

And you know I always love you, and will always kiss you on your fore head for a good sleep like when you used to stay in Auckland. And I miss you all the time, I still remember all the good time that we spent together. And I still remember that we became the best friends just on the first day we met each other. I still got those photos of butterflies, you looked really pure and innocent in those photos. And I still remember that you cut my hair, I still keep the same hair style that you cut for me. And I still remember that we went walking around the fields at night, I still remember the night I lost my mind and cried and you came all the way just to be my company, hold me tight and all the beautiful words you told me… And all the emails, text messages, kisses and hugs… I can’t count how many I have and don’t know how much I was spoilt by you. Am I not the luckiest person in the world? I have god, and I have you as my angel.

Remember I used to say to you before you sleep: “Good night, my angel.”? I don’t know when I can say that again to you, we are apart so far away now, and you know me, a very lazy person. I wrote this entry especially for you, to show that I have never forgotten you, I still love you and care about you, no matter how you change as you grow, you are still my purest angel like when I first saw you. You are always in my heart, and forever.

Learn to live and counting money

December 6, 2006 - One Response

I am so happy that I survived!

Last Wednesday after I got my pay from cleaning it was $42, I can’t remember what I bought for myself, but definitely was some food or petrol, can’t remember. On Friday I was really exhausted, I worked 13 hours on both last Thursday and Friday, from 5am to 6pm none stop, I was really really tired! I then decided to buy something nice for myself. I bought vegetarian mozzarela cheese, sun-dried tomato, and vegetarian hot dog… they all very expensive, so after I bought those expensive stuff I had only about $10.38 in my account. And then I needed petrol, so I put some petrol, then all I had was only $0.38 and the coins on my table which was $1.10.

But things were not so easy if you live by yourself and only have a part-time job. I just recently have a really serious allegy and breathing problem, my nose is blocked for whole day and sometimes I cough all day too. Stupid New Zealand pollen! Rose said when she first came to New Zealand, she had same thing for months too! Just can’t breathe and always cough too. I finally rang up doctor to make an appointment for yesterday, it cost me $30, of course I had no money to pay for that stupidly espensive “consultation fee”, Simon helped me with that. And then the doctor told me that I had no lungs problem, it was just allegy. And he gave me some medicine for allegy.

Finally today I got my pay from work, in my account there is $200, I think I will buy myself a lamp, my room is not light enough at night. And I will go to pharmacy to see how much the medicine costs. Must be expensive anyway. And then I might buy myself some bread, canned asparagus, maybe pizza base? or too luxury for me? I don’t know, can’t think too much at the moment. Oh I think I will go to stationery and buy a nice brush to do some painting, maybe some plastic plates for paints, and a sponge roller for gessoing. And vinegar for making kimchi! mmm…. it sounds like a big shopping list… I hope I still have some money left by the end of today…

Be Independent

November 29, 2006 - One Response

Today I got a letter that asked me to pay $2291.41 NZD for the car accident that happened on 28th August 2006, I was really surprised that they wrote me this letter and asked me to pay the money! Firstly, it was absolutely not my fault, my car was hit and pushed from behind to the car in front of me. Secondly, my claim from the car behind me was already done long time ago! AMP insurance was really speedy and good insurance! In the future if I ever want to buy insurance I would consider this insurance company!

But compare to AMP insurance, IAG insurance was totally crap!!! Today after I got this letter, I quickly called up the owner of the car in front of me, he said he contacted his insurance company (IAG) straight after the accident and gave them all the details and explained everything to them, however for some stupid reason they didn’t finish the claiming from the guy who hit behind me, they asked for the owner of the car in front of me for all the details again, however he said that he thought that everything was all sorted and it was a long time ago anyway so he has lost all the contact details. He did go back and find the details and unfortunately he found my details so he gave IAG my details and explained everything to IAG again, but he didn’t know why IAG was so sick minded and thought that it was my fault.

Suddenly I remember that last week I got a phone call from my mobile phone while I was burning all my rubbish in the garden. The person who called me up was really stupid, 

1. He didn’t say that he was from IAG insurance.

2. He didn’t say he was from the insurance company of the owner of the car in front of me.

3. He asked if I was in the accident, and I said yes.

4. Then he said something I couldn’t understand, I asked him to explain what he was talking about, he didn’t explain properly so of course I wouln’t know what he was talking about. AND then he said that he would send me a letter. I now realise that this is the “letter”.

This letter is really rude. He didn’t even sign his name, also he didn’t give me his contact details, and he calls me a MRS! Useless people! Useless IAG!!!

I will type out the letter to let you see how rude IAG is!

“As the circumstances of the accident available to me indicate that you are liable, I assume that you will reimburse this office for the damage to our client’s vehicle.

Your remittance of $2291.41, as highlighted on the enclosed invoive(s), is therefore awaited. Should you be unable to pay all of the above amount at this time I would suggest you discuss with us the alternatives, such as payments on an instalment basis.

If you are planning on lodging a claim for this accident please contact your insurance company immediately; in that way you may avoid us having to take legal action for recovery.

As this matter can not be delayed indefinitely, I would be obliged if you could action this as soon as possible.

Should you have any queries please contact our Debt Recovery line 0800 802 423.

Sincerely Jay Sisley Claim Adviser”

I will call them up tomorrow to find out what was the story, and I will let them know how useless they are. I strongly not recommend people to go for this insurance company, they have the most useless people to work for them! Even Simon say that they are useless! Simon sometimes have to call them up at work and they are always useless and grumpy. IDIOT people!!!!! 

New Flat

November 27, 2006 - Leave a Response

Yesterday I just moved into a new flat. This is the first time in my life I have ever moved into a flat and live with a total stranger, also this is the first time ever I have my own room, sleep by myself… feels very different. From now on I will have to learn how to budget, how to look for a job and survive, how to live with other people without bother or annoying other people too much. Very strange feeling. Today is already the second day I stay here, but I still feel quite strange. Still not used to the new flat.

Although that there are a lot of things I have to get used to it, but this is just something that I have been dreaming for ages–to live alone, sometimes I make art, or write something on blog, or write some nice and long emails to friends. Very nice feeling. From now on I can go for shopping for myself, cook for myself, and think for myself… sounds very selfish, but I think I really need a long holiday and spend some quality time with myself. Think of future, plan for my life… I believe this will be very meaningful to me.

God arranged a really nice place for me, the room is not huge, but is a good size for me to put all my stuff, and a nice big queen bed, Simon bought me the bedding sheet, pillow, quilt cover, and the pillow case. Aii gave the queen size quilt, it’s made by wool, very warm. (At least so far I can’t really feel cold, it’s summer.) And today my flatmate lend me a little square table, very nice. I put it beside the door.

The room is still empty, but I quess soon I will be able to fill up with my art and my thought, and some God’t message. I know that God loves me a lot, I will use my time wisely and make the most of my freedom and do something meaningful, so it won’t be a waste from God.

I promise myself to add at least one blog entry each day. And I think soon I will have to change the appearance of my blog.

Art Student’s Blue

November 24, 2006 - Leave a Response

Today I went back to school and clean out some of my rubbish, I saw Phil was walking down the corridor with a backpack, I said to him, “Hello Phil!” He smiled to me as usual.

It’s so good to see the tutors after graduating from school, it feels like you don’t have to worry if you have done some research or some artwork…

Phil is one of my favourite tutors in the school. He is knowledgeable, whenever you ask him something, he will always give you the best answer with all his thoughtful anylises and the history of the event. I remember one time I told him that I was doing research about Colin McCohan, he told me that he went to school with McCohan’s children, his children’s clothes were always dirty and sometimes had some drops of paints on… They were quite poor and lived in the bush in west Auckland… things like that. Another time we were talking about Marcel Duchamp, he talked about the Acadamy art exhibition and how Duchamp got rejected, and the whole history of toilet in Europe… Before that I didn’t know that there was no female public toilet on the street, and the whole idea to keep woman in the house… sexism and feminism… Sometimes he told us that he used to work in the City Gallery when he was young, lifting all the heavy priceless old paintings…

And we chat for a little while, he gave me some really useful advise:

Go and find a studio, share with as many people as possible, don’t rent a studio on your own, you will go crazy if you do that.

Put your interests and contact detail on art notice board, make contacts with people.

Go to lots of openings and exhibitions, meet as many people as possible, exchange contact details with people. But I said I quite often find that I don’t know what to talk about during the openings, he said he found that problem in him too, but still have to go to the openings, a lot of people are actually quite shy too, or sometimes you can just sense the kind of people, they have the quirkiness in their eyes, talk to them and make the contact with them.

Beware of the blues. A lot of people graduating from art school they miss art school a lot, because in the school everything is there, and a lot of workshops and equipments are there, but they are not available after graduating. So the first few years are the hardest years for graduated art students. However, if you overcome the hard time and still find a way of making art, After the art student’s blue period you will find that you become more independent and you will do well for rest of your life.

Aim high. Get going. Make Art.

Finally before we said goodbye, he looked at me and said to me, “Good luck Hungwei, you are a good artist, I know you can do very well. You will be a good artist. I wish you all the best. Good luck. And lots of luck!” He smiled to me until he went in his car. Before he drove away, he even beeped the horn to say goodbye.

Thank you Phil. I haven’t told you, you are the best tutor in the school too.  

How Much Do You Think It Should Cost?

October 27, 2006 - 3 Responses

beads2.jpg

How much would you buy for the five beads?

Well, I put them on Trademe, $5 no reserve, the auctoin ends on Sunday.

Leave a message if you are interested in how the auction goes.

List of My favourite (1)

October 20, 2006 - One Response

In order to prevent myself from being depressed anymore, I decided to make a list of my favourite.

*drink: aloe vera drink
*food: curry
*clothing: skirt
*shoe: jandles
*car: Little White
*driving speed: 70km/hr
*dictionary: Oxford Advanced Learner Dictionary
*male: Simon
*female: Karen
*computer: Apple G5
*film: Cremaster Cycle 12345
*singer: Bjork
*aritst: Matthew Barney
*pop singer: Christina Aguilera
*computer software: Indesign
*website: Google
*email service: Gmail
*artwork: Sarah Munro’s “O.T. Time Will Tell” 1994
*road: Great South Road in Auckland, especially driving at night
*music style: Baroque and Renaissance
*music: Mozart’s Turkish March
*word: solace
*quote: make art as there is no tomorrow
*country: India
*People: Swede
*time in the day: midnight
*day in the week: Friday
*month in the year: December
*flower: daffodil
*story: Echo and Narcissus
*job: laminating/photocopying
*shoe brand: New Balance
*New Zealand coin: 50 cent
*New Zealand note: 20 dollars
*thing to do in the car: sleeping
*supermarket: Foodtown
*shop on Queen Street: Made in Japan $3 shop
*chocolate: Whittaker’s peanut chocolate
*soft drink: Coca Cola
*children book: The Little Prince
*place: library
*book: The Red Tree by Shaun Tan

to be continued…

Be Positive

October 17, 2006 - One Response

Ok, after two weeks of being negative and doing nothing, this morning I told myself that I can’t be like that anymore–otherwise it’s very obvious–I will fail my fourth year.

So today I gave myself some task to do, and I have to finish them today:

1. Finish designing the book of The Worst Art Award

2. Apply the study for next year.

So far I have almost finished the book, and I am planning to make another book, hopefully I can finish the book soon…

And the application for PGDipFA is more complicated. My original idea was to apply PGDipFA first and then apply for the international student scholarship–I looked up for this NZAID international student scholarship, very good, it covered everything. But today I checked again, it is not as easy as I thought. The application form said: “Please note that this scholarship is not a personal gift for you…” the scholarship is more like a commitment–they pay you money for maximum 18 months study, and you have to go back to your home country within 14 days after you finish your study and work for your home country for minimum 2 years.

Well, then this is definitely not for me. I cannot imagine how I will be making art in Taiwan. Taiwan is very conservative and commercial. Ok, just imagine that I have a bad art exhibition in Taiwan, no, I don’t think there would be a gallery crazy enough to let me do that. They want good art, traditional art, but not bad art.

Let’s think about 2 years, what about Simon? I don’t think I would like to let Simon stay in Taiwan for too long, the young generation girls in Taiwan are very bitchy–excuse me for my language, but it is true. Everytime when I see the young girls being too touchy and acting bitchy towards Simon, I just can’t tolerate it.

But if I don’t apply for scholarship, then it will be impossible for me to study PGDipFA next year. Then I will have to look for a job in New Zealand to pass my immigration to New Zealand so I can keep on making art in New Zealand. The truth about looking for an art job in New Zealand is: very hard. And considering I am a foreigner.

I feel very bad recently not just because I am late for my final submission, but also my study next year, where to find my future job, and lots of things, they all drive me crazy! I am so happy for those people who already know what their future is and working towards their future. I feel I am so useless that I cannot find my future, it feels like I have no future.

Sometimes I really wish that when I have enough money, I can leave here, I want to go away with Simon to somewhere no one knows us. Start a new life, making art, still having exhibitions or go to exhibitions. We will be very happy, sharing food in vegetarian restaurant, walking home and watch DVDs, lying on the bed and giggling about little things…

Well, I can’t control too much for now, I think I better go back and keep on working hard. Who knows maybe tomorrow when I open my car boot, there will be $20000 cash waiting there…

Diwali Festival 2006

October 16, 2006 - 2 Responses

I love Diwali Festival! Simon has been telling me all about it during the last few months, he said last year there were really cheap nice food, cool Bollywood dance competition… I am more interested in the food.

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The decoration of Diwali Festival

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There were two funny tall people in costume walking everywhere, handing out the lollies.

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I went to take a photo with them

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And asked a lolly from them too

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I looked at them and really happy told Simon, “They are not Indians, They are Pakehas!” Then a woman holding a baby turned around and told me that those two guys they usually turn up in the festivals, and they have lots of costumes, very cool.

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This girl was the best dancer (I reckon)

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He was the most handsome Indian guy I have ever seen, very confident in his dancing too.

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Later I thought I really want to buy something nice for souvenir, then I thought of doing henna. I bought the henna cone and asked Simon to draw snails for me.

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I was really proud of them! The guy who sold us henna said I have to leave the henna on my hands for over night and then wash away.

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So I skipped the shower that I used to have every night, and shower this morning. Last night the snails were only orange, but this morning it turned really brown!!! How amazing! I went to work today Rose said the snails were really cool!

I am thinking of doing more of them…

Let Us Spy on Each Other

October 12, 2006 - 5 Responses

I don’t know why recently I become so emotional, and often feel lonely too. Today I spent the whole afternoon sitting on couch and doing nothing, and then decided I better have a sleep in Little White.

It’s not very healthy, I know. I haven’t done anything for my studio for nearly two weeks, and the final day is coming soon! I am so nervous! Last week I did the big sign in the classroom, and told Alex that I had nothing to show her. And this week I told the same thing to Alex–she must have thought that I am an emotional person. But Tessa said it’s ok to be emotional, because I am an artist, artists get emotional easier than normal people. That reminds me Francis Upritchard said on LOG website, “if someone tells me that they’re an artist I immediately presume they make really shit art.”

I need to do something, I like to write to people–people who I like to write to, but usually the people who I like to write to don’t have much time to read my writing, they are usually quite busy. Anyway, I end up studying people. I would go on Google and search for all the people I know, like a spy. I feel a bit guilty because I always think that they might not like me doing this to them… So today when Alex came, I told her I have nothing to show her, she asked me if I was stressed out, I said yeah (I think she might not have too much time to spend on me anyway), she said if I want a chocolate, I said yeah.

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So she gave me this chocolate. I thought that she might have a big bar of cadabury Chocolate and I have to break into little pieces on my own. (One time Tessa came with a big bar of Whitacker’s Chocolate ginger flavour and asked me if I wanted to have some.) She said she was hungry and she had one chocolate too. She sat on the couch and started to prase the couch, the couch was very nice to sit on. I said that’s Maria’s couch. She said even I had nothing to show her, we could still talk about some stuff. But I didn’t know what to talk about. I gave her Judy Darragh’s 4 sheets, she was very happy, she wanted me to sign on the sheets and she said that she will hang those sheets up in her house. I wrote her another A4 sheet to describe the four sheets. She said I looked very low today, asked me if I was alright. I said I was ok, she said must be the end of year thing, I said yeah. After a brief talk about something, I asked her if she knows any Auckland based artist who likes spying on people. She didn’t really reply, so I had to repeat again, then she asked me why I wanted to find a such artist. I said I wanted to do a project, that is to find another Auckland based artist, we cannot see each other and we have to spy on each other for a period of time. She said maybe she could spy on me. I was thrilled. I have never thought that we could actually do such a project together. It was like a surprise to me. She said she always wanted to spy on someone too, but she doesn’t think that anyone likes to be spied on.

I like to spy on people because I so often feel lonely, I want to care about someone (who I like) but usually the someone has too much other things in life. Therefore I become very shy to bother other people. I stay very behind and watch people from far away, observing them and study them. I want to see how deep I can discover a person without interfere the person. I hope someone (who I like) to spy on me because I want to feel that someone cares about me, someone wants to know about me, someone studies on me because s/he is interested in me. I want to feel it–I want to feel that there is someone considering me as their important part of life. I wish to be the special person in someone’s life, and hope the someone becomes the special person in my life.

I don’t want to interfere your life, but I hope to know how you are doing, what you like, what your passinos are. I don’t mind if you interfere my life, I am lonely most of the time anyway. Life is very short, it must be affinity that brought us to know each other, if we don’t make the most of this life to study on each other, we never know if we will meet again in the future, or next life.

Sometimes I feel I am like the fox in The Little Prince, crying and weeping on Little Prince’s departure. Fox said, “I am so sad that you are leaving, but this is still very meaningful to me, I don’t eat wheat but when I see the golden colour of the wheat harvest, it will remides me of your blonde hair. And the shivering sound of the tree leaves will remind me of your laughter…”

I hope Alex was not joking to me, because I was very serious about the project. I really hope to do this project, I have been longing for so long…

Little White!

October 12, 2006 - Leave a Response

Yay!

Finally I got a new car! It arrived on Monday, 9th of October, so Little White is a Libra! And Little White is very handsome too! I still cannot decide Little White’s sex, anyone has any idea? I took the photo so I can remember how new Little White used to be! I still feel regret that I didn’t take any photo for Little Happy when I first had it.

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I love Little White! Originally I was going to buy Jessica aii’s old blue car, but Jessica aii said if I don’t know how to drive it will be really hard for me to drive that old car, so she gave me the little white.

Jessica aii changed the engine oil, engine oil filter, air conditioning filter… and more. Jessica aii even set up something so the car doesn’t have to take a lot of oil to drive–it’s amazing–Aunty Jade drove Little White from Tauranga for me, 200 km, and the oil meter only fell down little bit!!!!

Jessica aii wrote a note for me: “Dear Hungwei, We hand in our precious Little White to you, hope that you will trearish it, and use it to do something meaningful, so it can have a “meaningful life”! We’ve just changed the engine oil, engine oil filter, and air condition filter, so it is a very reliable company!! :)”

I was crying when I held the key and read the note. Thank god! For always loving me, forgiving me, and looking after me! I will never let you down! I will do meaningful things with Little White! I will make sure Little White has a meaningful life!

Life Painting with cloths on–First Week

October 12, 2006 - One Response

Yesterday I went to the life painting class again, in St. Heliers (hope I am not spelling wrong). The scouts hall is really a nice place to do some art activity! Karen asked me to wear my Chinese jacket, she really loves the jacket. So I washed the jacket on Monday night (last time I washed it was last year when summer ended) to make sure the jacket is nice and clean to paint with.

These are the paintings from the group, well, mostly painting, some still draw though.

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This lady was genius! She captured my face just right in only one hour! And the colour looked so beautiful! Magician!

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This guy always draw outline–and amazingly no mistake! Even Simon such a good drawer still have to use pencil to draw around then use pen to draw the outline.

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Karen is always good at toning! Amazing.

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This lady kept on wiping away what she had done because she thought that she kept on making mistakes… well, I think this is my favourite work of that day! I love the colours, it looks like Andy Warhol’s print! Very stylish. She was laughing when I said it looked like Andy Warhol’s prints. She is a very good fussy artist.

They all said that I was a very good model.

After all Karen said to me that there were always no one comment on her work. The group usually comment on each other’s work but never comment on Karen’s work. She thought they were jealous at her because she was too good. Karen even said, if anyone says that there is no racism in New Zealand, tell them bullshit, because these Pakeha’s are very strange, they still don’t like to be with Maoris.

Well, I told Karen, maybe, if someone does a very good work, they prase the person because they like it; if someone does a very bad work, they will prase too, because they want to encourage the person to do more; but if someone is just ordinary, then it’s really hard to prase–because it’s just ordinary.

Karen still liked to think that she is the best, but people jealous because she is Maori so they don’t prase her. After my philosophical explaination on people’s reaction about artwork, Karen became quiet, she said, “Ok, maybe I’m ordinary.”

I Need A Space!

October 12, 2006 - One Response

Everytime when I come to school, the studio interior is always changing. Sometimes even my table would be moved or my stuff is missing. I really hate it. Sometimes when I need a place just peace and quiet so I can work on my own, but the year 2 people would play around in the studio, guys and girls, like the snoop dogs music video. Very stupid!

So I cleaned out the space and put up a huge long long sign:

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The space belongs to Hungwei Chuang.

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I need a space to work on, and I hate people always

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have to move my stuff. I know that some people don’t

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need a space to work, but I Need A Space!!!

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Can you just leave my space alone? Every time

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I come to my space, I always have to re-arrange

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my stuff. But I mean, can you please respect me and

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my stuff? And my space too? I pay $20000.00- (and more)

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a year, but I have no space to work on in this

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school! I am year 4 now, and I’m leaving

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in 6 weeks, I really hope that I can have a

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space! Can you please just respect me for my

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last 6 weeks? I really hope I can have

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good memories about this school! I hope

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that when people ask me how was my

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university life, I don’t have to say:

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“Fxxk, I don’t even have my own

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studio space to work on!”

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Later on Alex she put up one sign for me on the wall. She worried that people might not know who “Alex Monteith” is, she added “Moving Image Lecturer” under her name.

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This is how the studio look like now, it took me a long time to move all the stupid useless furniture away to just have the whole wall on my own. I will put up something on the wall soon.

Susu’s philosophy–Love is like a bubble

October 6, 2006 - 2 Responses

Recently Joey has been quite sad because his girl friend in Taiwan is going to Brazil for about 4 years. Joey was thinking to go back to Taiwan to visit her, but Mum said no. However, mum said she can support his girl firend for half the price of the air ticket if Joey can pay half of the price too. Joey worries that his girlfriend’s family is not going to let her come to New Zealand.

Her parents are not really that glad with this relationship, they hope that she can end up marrying someone who is 6 years older than her, so the “elder guy” can look after the girl well, also they think that older guys are more mature–which I don’t think is that true. I have seen someone 6 years older than her (she is 19 now so I am talking about guys who are 25 year old), man, they are still quite immature! For God’s sake! Anyway her parents has seen Joey’s photo and thought that Joey looks quite mature (and I think he is quite mature for his age!), but her parents still think that if they are not seeing each other for 4 years, their love will fade anyway. Her parents are not very supportive about this relationship.

So Joey, Amy aii and I were just discussing about the situation, me and Amy aii tried to comfort him a bit. Then susu just came up out of no reason, (he always turns up when the discussion is nearly ending!) and made his comment:

“Joey, you have to know that Love is like a bubble! you know… Love is just like a bubble, it’s beautiful, colourful, and fascinating, but when you touch it, it pops up.”

If susu said it anytime anywhere, I would laugh, but I was quite concern about Joey’s sadness. So I said to susu,

“Susu, how can you say that to Joey? Joey is very frustrated now how can you say that you him!”

Susu: “But what I have said is true don’t you think?”

Me: “Well, but there are a lot people playing with bubble fine, how come your bubbles always pops? maybe it’s only your bubbles pops!”

Susu was laughing, “Oh, really, yeah, I think it’s true…”

So only susu pops the bubbles, not anyone else.

Mini Lover

September 24, 2006 - 5 Responses

Simon made the miniture us last year.

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And we took the photo according to the clothing.

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We hold the miniture us.

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Simon! :D

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Me! :)

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How to make a taurus marry you

September 15, 2006 - 3 Responses

WordPress is a fun place to meet people, or to spy on people who are watching me. This is the latest fun that I found out from WordPress–The Blog Stats! I can actually know how many people are reading my blog! Where they are from, how they found me, and what they are reading!

Here is a diagram that I just screen-took:

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Wow! from this picture I can see how many people are reading me each day!

And this one, is my favourite one:

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How amazing! I can even know how people found me! So exciting!

Today so far there are two people who found me through search engine:

1. can paint cill the cat

Don’t know what that means… and the person ended up reading my “HSH8–Rose’s painting of home”.

2. how to make a taurus marry you

Haha, this person ended up reading my “You have to marry someone rich to make art”. Which I imagine the person might get grumpy when s/he read my article… This article was nothing about “how to make a taurus marry you”! It was more about a struggled Taurus lady (me) discussing how to find a nice rich guy to marry. (I guess)

Anyway, since I don’t have any clue who the person was (otherwise I will definitely email the person for further guidence), I think I will just leave my answer here. If the person is lucky, s/he might be able to finid it later. Well, I think the person would have to be a “he” because I am a Taurus lady and I only know how to make a Taurus “lady” marry you. But if the person is a lesbian, please email me and I will give you some more “different” duidence! (wow, how exciting)

So ok, how to make a Taurus marry you? Well, in the world so far there is only one man who has made me feel that I must marry him, so I guess I will just talk about him for the start.

1. You must be very patient. Taurus lady (me) usually very calm, but gets emotional easily. When she is emotional she will say lots of stupid words eg. “I hate you”, “Useless”, etc. You must forget these words in the next second otherwise you will get really sad for the next day. You must comfort her, be her consultant/psychologist/soulmate, listen to her talking when she feels bad. If you pass that, you win her heart.

2. You must have a stable job. Otherwise Taurus lady feels insecure. Your salery, the more the better.

3. You must treat her like a princess, or at least make her feel like she is a princess. Taurus lady usually like to pretend that she is very strong and independent, but you have to make her feel that she can not live without you.

3. You must have at least one same interest with her. I am very lucky my boyfriend’s interests are almost the same with me, we can go everywhere together! Taurus lady likes to take her boyfriend/partner/husband everywhere with her! If you can’t enjoy whatever she is talking about, she would feel disappointed.

4. You better be a good cook. I suppose that most Taurus are good cooks, but if you can cook nice food, you make her feel like home.

5. Always think of her–buy her some little nice treats, little cute toys, write her some cosy love letters–Taurus like to read things before sleep (me!) if you write a nice love letter she will read it before she sleeps and she will have nice dreams!

These are the things I could think of so far, if you (the person who searched for this topic) come back and find me again–here you go–or you can just email me, I will tell you more!

Good luck!

UD-Art Student

September 15, 2006 - Leave a Response

1. Someone who wastes 4 years and at least $100,000NZD in art school, still can’t draw, can’t paint, don’t know anything about print media, photography, design, film, etc. Work as a part-time cleaner and teacher’s aide in high school art department. Gets frequently rejection from hopeless job search/interviews.

2. Someone who has too much money to spend too much time to waste.

3. Rich mum who has too much time on her hands.

4. Rich nerdy style guy who draws worse than your 7 year-old brother.

5. Naive wannabe-comic-artist student who comes to the wrong place to learn how to draw comics.

6. Smart but lazy person

7. Art-theory geek

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Example:

I am a bad art student.

UD-GAITF

September 15, 2006 - Leave a Response

GAITF stands for Great Artist In The Future, set up by Muffinsnail for supporting those unknown artists in New Zealand. Since all famous expensive selling artists were once unknown artist, therefore we must buy their painting before they get too famous and their paintings are too expensive.

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Example:

Gosh! What a GAITF! Her art is absolutely gorgeous! And the price is too!

UD-Bad Art

September 15, 2006 - Leave a Response

Bad Art has at least five definitions:

1. The art is so horribly bad and you just want to puke after you view it.

2. The bad artwork is just simply so boring and you forget it after you see it because it is just ordinarily bad.

3. The bad artwork is not actually that bad, but maybe the colour, perspective, proportion, or shape has a slightly false, and the tiny imperfection just simply annoys you.

4. The bad artwork looks attractive and fabulous in other people’s eyes but for some reasons you just don’t know how to appreciate it.

5. The most successful work that you have ever done but no one is ever interested in your work, makes you wonder what’s wrong with your perspective of aesthetics.

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Examples:

1. “Ew… Look at that bad art… Isn’t that horrible?”

2. “So what did you see in the gallery today?” “um, some bad art I guess?”

3. “I don’t really like Picasso’s portraits paintings”

4. “Why is Monalisa famous?”

5. “What’s wrong with my self-portrait painting?”

UD-Lesbian & Preface

September 15, 2006 - Leave a Response

Recently I have been having a very bad addiction about Urban Dictionary. I would look up some words that interest me and maybe make up my own definition for them too.

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I wrote this one only for memorising the woman that I had a short crush to–I hope that she will never know/see/be told about this. I think Simon might get really angry about this post (and he did anyway) but now I have already had no feeling to her anymore. I think it’s good to be true to myself, to admit that even someone so lucky like me who has everything can still have some silly troubles in life. I am not sure what would I feel when I see this in the future. Well, I hope I would be able to laugh at it. It was a silly little mistake that I could ever have in my life. Sorry Simon, I hope you forgive me for posting this. But I love you forever.
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Lesbian doesn’t have to mean that a woman is sexually attracted to another woman. Lesbian can be a woman emotionally, spiritually, romantically, or secretly attracted to another woman. One woman can have boyfriend/husband/partner but also at the same time thinking of another woman. This is an extremely exciting pleasure. Sometimes love can be very simple–doesn’t even need sex to make it feel completed. Sometimes a secret-lesbian-love is more fascinating–you think of the woman all the time, you might never tell her that you love her because you know that once you tell her then you won’t be able to be around her anymore. Like Echo and Narcissus. Like little mermaid and the prince. It’s an ecstasy but also an excruciation at the same time.

I am a secret lesbian–I love you but I will never tell you.

About Little Happy

September 14, 2006 - 2 Responses

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Little Happy is the name of my beloved car, at the moment Little Happy is reported as “Total Loss”. That means I can never drive Little Happy again, also I cannot see Little Happy anymore.

And I didn’t even have a “healthy” Little Happy photo. Damn!

This entry is just to show my sadness/anger/hopelessness/repgret… Farewell, my dearest Little Happy! ;_;

UD-Boyfriend

September 13, 2006 - Leave a Response

1. Someone makes you smile all the time.

2. You like to hold his hand and walk on the street looking for nothing

3. You always enjoy having food with him–even the food is not that enjoyable

4. You automatically call him up everynight just want to hear his voice, knowing that he is happy and having a good night

5. You are very proud of him when you introduce him to everyone

6. He is loyal, honest to you, and he makes you feel like a princess

7. He remembers all the important days eg. anniversiry of first day together, your birthday, etc. And he buys nice cute presents for you

8. He remembers whatever you say

9. He will respect you and not having sex with you before marriage–although he is really desperate.

10. He cries when you feel bad

11. He is happy when you feel happy

12. He always and endlessly supports you in all aspects: emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.

13. He wants to be with you forever, and even next life

14. He feels warm and proud when he sees you are chatting with his old nana

15. He asks for day off from work as soon as he knows you are depressed

16. He is always planning for the future, with you

17. He whispers good night with your name before he sleeps every night

18. He dreams of you

19. He wakes up and he thinks of you

20. Every night he text you good night with smile, and every morning he text you good morning and have a good day at work/school

I love my boyfriend! He is the best!

I watched An Angel at My Table

September 10, 2006 - One Response

I hope the exit is joyful…and I hope never to come back… –Frida Kahlo 

It was the saddest film I have ever watched in my life. The film that earned most of my tears in my life. I don’t usually cry when I watch films because I think that is the silliest thing to do. I usually think of some funny things to keep me calm.

The parts that made me cried:

1. When her teacher told her that hospital was good for her

2. When she was having electric shock treatment

3. When she was locked into the rooms with whole a lot of strange people for the whole day

4. When the nurses did the make up for her, and on the party she had to dance with someone she had no idea

5. When she was told to be having an operation soon, and her mother had sign the agreement for her

6. When she went to London but the room attendence said there was no reservation for her

7. When she said she didn’t want to go home in the hospital

8. Lots of parts

The reason I was crying, probably because I found that I could related to her situation. I don’t like to go home, I don’t like to think about the future, I don’ t like to think about my parents–not because I don’t love them, but because I don’t want to think about my life just about earning money but not being able to make art or do writing.

What is more important? dream or righteousness?

When I think about my dream, I feel so happy and free, but I feel guilty that I couldn’t be righteous to do something for the world.

When I think about being a righteous person and do somehting for the world, I feel safe and settled, but I wish I die as soon as possible. I feel bad that I cannot think cannot express myself freely but being someone doing what is told by other people.

Why can’t I just be myself? Why do I have to be like this? I don’t know what is the meaning of my life. The world is a stupid place, I feel so wrong to be here! So stupid!

Why am I like this? Why am I always thinking? I am very jealous to the people who cannot think as much as I do. They are so happy all the time! All they care about is just fashion and gossips. Why don’t I just be like them? Why should I be like this? I feel I am more stupid then the normal people do!

I wish to be disappeared from the world for a while. I can’t think anymore. 

Take apart

September 9, 2006 - 3 Responses

Alex suggested me to go and look at Daniel Malone’s work at Window.

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So Daniel Malone is a left-handed person.

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But Mr. Malone (or whoever put it like that) this is the wrong way to read the word! You know this word has two parts: (Originally) The left part is a hand, and the right part is a axe. So when the hand is holding a knife or an axe then the person is going to take apart something–a house, a box, an envelop, etc.

However the way you place it–it looks like a knife or an axe is cutting a hand. Have you considered to turn the glass around? It will look nicer, at least to me. Or I wonder if you knew this already and you tried to create another context behind?

Someone pee in public

September 9, 2006 - Leave a Response

This is really interesting. Yesterday I was waiting for my aunty to pick me up from Papakura train station, I saw two man walked past me. one guy was in white, another was in brown. They were talking something I didn’t properly, but I remembered one guy said, “…what about the car park place over there?” And then immediately they crossed the road.

The man in white kept walking like there was nothing. The man in brown was hiding beside the Electric box outside Countdown looking everywhere included me! He was looking at me. I suddenly realised that he was going to pee. I tried to look like I wasn’t looking but I still wanted to look. I pretended that I was waiting for someone so I had to look that way (but actually I had to look that way anyway). He looked really suspicious, and he kept looking at me like he was really afraid that I might know what he was doing. (But I knew anyway) I really wanted to take a photo but I didn’t dare, I afraid that they might come back and beat me up or rape me something like that. (it was 8pm and really dark and no one around)

Finally after a while he finished, it must be hard to pee in the public, especially with an Asian lady’s witness, although I stood far away across the road. Before the two guys went too far away, I thought I must take some photos for my blog! therefore…

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This is where the guy in brown pee

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They are the buys in white and brown.

Me looking retarded

September 8, 2006 - Leave a Response

I like myself to look like a retarded person, so it would suit my professional Bad Art Student image.

Here are some photos:

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Look like a kappa, if I were bald.

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This one is actually quite cute, like the little girls in Japanese comics.

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Quite cute.

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This one looks really retarded.

Thanks to the G5 computers. I love G5 computers.

Good friendship

September 8, 2006 - Leave a Response

I like to see people who are with their good friends, makes me feel nice and warm.

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Like this one, Darchana and Elisia, they can talk all the gossips stuffs swearings laughs… just good friends.
Shhhhh! Don’t tell them! I took this photo secretly! :)

The Yummy Kiwifruit Recipe

September 8, 2006 - Leave a Response

This is really yummy! Try it! Everyone loves it!

The method:

(A)
3 cups seived self-rising flour
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup skinned and diced kiwifruit (or 3 kiwifruit)

(B)
80g melted butter
3 bitten eggs
1 cup milk

method:

1. Preheat the oven for 200C
2. Prepare your muffin tray, put the muffin cups into the muffin tray
3. Put (A) into a pot and mix well
4. Mix (B) in another bolw
5. Put the mixed (B) into (A)
6. Do not stir the mixture of (AB) for more than 10 times. If you mix too “well” the muffin will be very hard and look not as professional. Ideally the (AB) mixture should look like a horrible white kiwifruit earth quake, not a white kiwifruit volcanic lava
7. put mixture (AB) equally into the prepared muffin cups
8. Send the muffin tray into the oven, bake 200C for approximately 15-20 minutes. the colour should look golden or light brown. poke a tooth pick into 1 or 2 muffins and take out to check if anything stick on the tooth pick. If none then the muffins are ready.
9. serve hot and enjoy!

If you try with golden kiwifruit will be more delicious! :D

Blocked nose

September 8, 2006 - Leave a Response

I have a very bad nose, since when I was 9 year-old I think. Usually I can finish one roll of toilet tissue(my aunty said it’s cheaper if I use for my nose) in one day. Therefore I have to use my mouth to breath. I don’t like to use my mouth to breath:

1. In the cold winter night–my lips my tounge my throat and my whole mouth gets very dry and cold and extremely uncomfotable.
2. When I kiss my boyfriend–very inconvenient, I cannot fully enjoy this kiss and I have to stop about every five seconds to change my breath.
3. When I am sleep, I would snore if I breath with my mouth–usually if I can close my mouth to sleep then the percentage of me snoring at night is 0%.

Herbal tea for cold/flu

September 8, 2006 - Leave a Response

My uncle is a very good Chinese doctor (from Taiwan). Recently I had a car crash and I had sore neck and sore back all that and then now I have flu… I went to GP to apply the ACC form to go to my uncle’s clinic. He can do massage, accupunture, and he makes very good herbal medicine.

I highly recommen his herbal tea for flu. very good. I only had drank yesterday and I feel I am a lot better today!

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*This tea bag can last you for two days
*Do not microwave
*The herbal tea is bitter, do not add sugar, honey or sweetener. But you are allow to have some sweets after drinking the herbal tea

Instructions:

First day:

1. Open the clear plastic bag and take out the white herbal tea bag
2. Do not open the white herbal tea bag
3. Put the herbal tea bag into a pot
4. Add 4 cups (or one litre) of cold water into pot with the tea bag
5. Cook the herbal tea until boiling
6. Let the tea boil for one minute
7. Simmering for another 15 minutes
8. Drink the tea while it’s still hot or warm. Do not drink while it’s cold. Finish the herbal tea in one day
9. Do not take the herbal tea bag out of the pot, the white bag is very fragile, leave it in the pot for over night

Second day:

Follow the same instructions 4-8 as First day.

Hope you feel better

Dear me in the past (1)

September 8, 2006 - Leave a Response

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Dear me in the past,

I have just turned on my computer and read your letter. I saw you were cooking noodles last night at about one o’clock, it smelled nice–was it Tomyum flavour? That’s my favourite flavour noodle too! Now I am sitting in the school and making list of what I should do today… I hope that you already feel a bit better now. I feel quite good now. Simon is at work now, maybe I will send him a little email to tell him I love him, things like that. Otherwise I think maybe I will start to work on my essay.

Recently I found that you really like to stay up late and feeling bad, why is that? I saw you turned off your computer and was going to sleep at 11:30pm! Why did you go back to the computer again and turned it on? What were you doing there? I thought that you really need some sleep? I really think that you should change your life style–go to bed early if there is nothing for you to worry about. I know that you used to write things during night time–but remember you have lots of things to do tomorrow! You have to work harder!

I know you are very lonely most of the time, but that’s just life–we all have to deal with it–we came alone and we go alone, too. We have to be strong. Remember you have me. I am always thinking of you. I know life is hard, but don’t ever give up. I will always be here and support you, please don’t be sad. I know you have great potential, I believe in you.

I love you always.

Dear me in the future (1)

September 8, 2006 - One Response

Dear me in the future,

I know that you will be reading this, some day, in my future from now. How are you? Do you feeling less lonely? How’s your life going? still making art? How is Simon?

I know I shouldn’t be like this, but I really hope that someone can read me, hear me, and understnad me. For such a long time I have never found, I finally think, maybe I can talk to you. It feels like writing diary, and actually it is. I hope that through the process of talking to you, maybe, in the future, you will already find out some solution for me, and maybe you can comfort me, in the future.

I care about you as you care about me. I know you are older than me, I guess that you must be more mature than me. You must know more things than me. Maybe you and Simon are already have a good future, it makes me feel very happy to know about that.

At the moment I am very confused about my future, maybe you might have the same problem too. Maybe you will say, don’t worry. But that’s because you have already experienced everything–which I have not. Sometimes I feel so jealous that you have already passed all the hard parts in life, but I haven’t. I wish I could be like you one day. I hope that you are not feeling such lost like me now. I would like to work harder for you, but I really hope that you tell me as well: you are having a good life.

I hope that I can lose some weight for you too. But I have always thought that Simon always said he doesn’t mind–then it should be ok. Has he forced you to lose weight? Simon he suggested me to think of do some exercise now. How sad. I haven’t even married him yet. But he said that’s all for my own good, otherwise you will be sad in the future about being fat.

We are all just human being anyway. We are all just ordinary. If you are still feeling lost, think of me, so you know that someone was once very lost too. I have always feeling that I am all by myself, I hope that you have someone to share your time with already. I hope you have more friends, so your life can be more enjoyable.

I am going to have some noodles now, would you like to have some?

Talk to you later,

I love you.

:S

September 8, 2006 - Leave a Response

It would be really annoying to just write down everything that I have done today. I don’t know why I always feel so lonely, it seems like I have already had everything, but I still feel very bored. This is not very healthy.

I don’t know if anyone feels the same with me, or everyone is just too busy, makes me feel I have too much free time sitting and waiting here.

A lot of people think that I am wasting of time, but what is wasting of time? Would you feel that you have never waste your time because you have earn so much money and have done so much things before you die? I think you are wasting of your time. You have learnt nothing in your life. All you learnt is just the skills that make you live longer and more comfortable. Have you learnt anything about how to care about people? Have you learnt how to comfort other people’s heart? Have you learnt how to actually enlighten someone’s life, and even, spirit? These are more important for you to learn.

I really wish, before I die, I have already looked after a lot of people, comforted people’s hearts, enlightened people’s lives and spirits. All the things that we have been busy for will not be able to taken with us after we die. But our virtue will be, our wisdom will be.

I have always hoped that I can have a lot of friends who have the same thoughts, so we can work together, to do something for the world. I really hope that this is not just a dream. I really hope. When I start to care about other people, I don’t feel lonely anymore.

Portraits

September 6, 2006 - Leave a Response

For those who died before I was born, or born after I die–I am writing those stories, about, the people who has been in my life. We had shared our time together, physically, spiritually, in the forms of visible and invisible. I don’t care.

For those who died before I was born, I might have read some of your stories, truth or false. I will not judge you. Through reading you I learn about myself, and other people. I am grateful.

For those who will be born after my death, I am writing these stories, to prove that I have been here, spent time with people who have appeared in my life. I am very lonely most of the time, I have to keep on writing, and share some lonesome with my reader. You are my best solace. I am grateful.

For those who had appeared in my life, I thank you. Throughout the process of writing you, I might realise, that I am not always alone. We have been sharing our lives together. I am grateful.

Stupid Majority

September 6, 2006 - Leave a Response

Well, I know that I am rude to say that the majority people are stupid, but I think it’s true anyway.

My porject is to sell art on Trademe. The first attempt was to sell art by GAITF (Great Artist In The Future, it’s an anonymous organisation that invented by myself). No one bought but I received a lot of interesting comments–people wanted to know the artists’ names and they felt insecure about not knowing the artist’s name.

(Link:
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=64692678
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=64732305)

There are a lot of bad art selling on Trademe. And it’s really amazing to see so many people would like to spend hundreds of dollars to buy those bad art.

(please read:
https://muffinsnail.wordpress.com/2006/08/23/selling-art-on-trademe-for-dummies/
and
https://muffinsnail.wordpress.com/2006/08/23/you-can-be-a-selling-artist-on-trademe/)

Therefore I decided to make the Worst Art Award. I want to know what people think bad art is, and I would like people to actually make bad art and look at bad art that made by different people.

Bad art is hard to make. How do you interpret bad art and how do you convince people that the art you made is really bad? Why do you make bad art? Why don’t you want to make bad art? What’s wrong with making bad art?

I am very proud of studying bad art. At least so far I don’t have any friend around me who is studying bad art. I am the first one who studies about bad art.

In order to teach people who don’t know what bad art is, I did a performance just to show people how to make bad art. And actually, when I was sincerely making bad art, the art didn’t actually turned out as bad as I thought. I sold that white self-portrait painting on Trademe for $10.

(Link: http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=66936736)

My recent project is to sell New Zealand well known artist’s items. There are three items I am selling: P. Mule’s drinking bottle, Sarah Munro’s EFTPOS receipt, and Judy Darragh’s discussing sheet.

(Link:
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=68687067
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=68742563
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=68746827)

I put one thread in Trademe message board, people were very negative about the things that I am selling. They thought that I was doing self-promotion so they voted my threat to remove–but I was not doing any advertisement at all.

It’s really interesting to know that a lot of people actually don’t know who the three artists are, and someone even said that P. Mule’s art is bad?!

So through this process I get to know that the majority people are very uncivilised, uneducated and stupid! They don’t know anything about art, and they don’t want to know anything about art. They are afraid to be challenged to think of new ideas, and when they are challenged they become very negative and they attack the people who ask them questions.

Later on I made another thread on the message board, “so who do you think is well know NZ artists?”. Some of them said Ralph Hotere, Dick Frizell… the best selling ones. Ok, and some of them started to talk about some other “unknown” ones. (I don’t want to be rude to those artists, but if you are interested you can email me and I will show you the link of the thread and you read yourself.) Seriously, the ones that they are talking about, their art are so bad! And even one of the artist was actually the one who inspired me to make The Worst Art Award! Made me wonder if the artists paid them to post those nice messages. (Or maybe the artist has heaps of accounts to prapagate the artist’s art?)

Reminds me a conversation that I just had with Rose. She said that she had just been to the art auction exhibition in Hilton Hotel, she said that would be the worst exhibition that I might want to see–lots of bad art: thousands of Rangitoto Island paintings, sunsets, sunrises, and beaches, all sorts. And of course, the paintings were all expensive.

I reckon, if you are buying art for self enjoyment, then that’s your freedom to buy whatever you like. If you are buying art for investment, then you should buy the art that is creating the art history. If you are buying art for the artist’s name, make sure you buy the best one–not the ones that the “well known” artists just took out from his/her old dusty storeroom, or the ones that no one can recognise that the art was made by the “well known” artist. You have to know the pirce, don’t spend thousands of dollars on the painting that even your five year old little nephew/niece can do it easily for you.

You shouldn’t buy art to suit your couch or wall, you should buy the couch or paint the wall to suit the artwork.

There are too many good artist making good art only for themselves or same interests friends–because no one understand them. Why do we make art for? If we are making art only for ourselves, that’s too lonely and too depressing. If we are making art for all the people in the world, well, the truth is: the majority of human beings in the world do not care about art. The majority people don’t care about how good the art is, they care about the artist’s name, or if the colours are matching their couch or interior design. The majority people don’t know about art.

Later on I asked Rose if she saw any artwork by Judy Darragh, P. Mule, or Sarah Munro, brcause Rose said that there were a lot of painting by “well known” NZ artists. Rose told me, “No way, I think they would rather kill themselves if they see any their art in the exhibition!”

Vegetarian food

September 5, 2006 - Leave a Response

I reckon, every food court must have to have a least one vegetarian shop. Today I walked all the way on the Queen Street. There was none!!! So stupid! It’s not fair! Besides, every vegetarian shop must sell noodle soup! I can’t live without noodle soup! Can anyone read this please forward this to Auckland city planner? (or whoever can arrange at least a vegetarian noodle soup shop in each food court in Auckland) I hate the feeling of being starving. Especially in the windy winter time.

I miss you a lot!

September 4, 2006 - Leave a Response

Dear Sophia,

How are you in Fiji? I still quite worry about you when you said that you were going to Fiji without finding any accommodation… I hope that you have already found somewhere and sleep safely.

I still remember that night when we went to visit Karin, that was a very beautiful night. We four people, from three different cultures: Swedish, Tawanese, Indian, but we talked like a family. The feeling was so amazing–there was no boundry, no culture differences, no, nothing. We shared our understanding and exchanged our culture, like a family. We stayed until 12am! And still not felt like going home! How strange was that!

And then on the way home we discussed about “her”. I had a strong feeling of her… I said I finally realised that to love someone, you don’t have to actually have a relationship with the person, you can just be his/her friend… But how fast! After you went to Fiji, I found that my feeling of her faded. I don’t like her as strong as before! How amazing the feeling can go so fast, just as how it came. Now when I look at her, she is just like a normal person, I don’t feel that she is any special anymore. Very strange.

I used to guess who she might like, but now I can’t be bothered anymore. I have a boyfriend already, and I love him. I can’t afford to do it all over again–to guess what she might like, to get to know her more, to win her heart, to be part of her life, and the most important thing is–she is a woman! I will be killed by all the grown ups around me. No way. I would rather just be her friend, well, I don’t think we are that good friends anyway. It was all just my imagination.

And then on my car, we talked until 1am something like that… Crazy. But I like to talk to you, although sometimes I get quite annoyed when you challenge me too much by questioning me about the things that I can’t clearified, but that’s just you. If I like you because you are a good listener to me, then I have to accept your other personalities that I haven’t got used to.

Just like what I said, the world is like a huge gallery, and everyone in the world is an individual artwork. I like to treat people like artwork, to understand them so I can fully appreciate them. There is no such an artwork called “the perfect artwork”, and there is no such and artwork called “everyone loves it” too. If someone likes it, then there must be someone hates it. There is nothing absolute.

I hope you come back soon!

My cellphone number

August 30, 2006 - 3 Responses

o-two-one, one million eight hundred and fifteen thousand, four hundred and thirty

World Gallery

August 29, 2006 - One Response

If the world is like a big gallery, then everyday we are viewing all kinds of different exhibitoins. Every human being is an unique artwork, we have to pay attention to other people in order to understand all different kinds of artwork.

I like to treat each person I meet as an artwork. I like to spend time with people, to get to know people, I like to treat people like an artwork. So I will do research about them, I learn to appreciate them by talking to them, listening to them, being with them, respect their differences, and I know that every moment when I am with them, there is going to be some input and output from each other. We influence each other.

And of course, there is going to be some bad art existing anyway. But you never know, bad art and good art is in the eye of the beholder, they sometimes recycled, and reincarnated. You never know.

Finally, outside the City Library

August 29, 2006 - Leave a Response

Before you keep on reading, please read this: “https://muffinsnail.wordpress.com/2006/08/21/on-sunday-outside-the-city-library/”

Ok, so today finally Sophia told me what happened there–that was the place for the ice party, the after party for the Semi Permanent event. The whole event cost $80, that’s why I didn’t turn up for the event. Sophia went there, with her secret lover, she was very excited about the event. Anyway, finally i find out what was going on there. As I said in that article, “It’s always more beautiful to look at something before you fully understand the whole story.” And tis, I wish someone told me that the ice were set up for some up coming feature film… things like that, so I can show off to my friends that “I have been there and I got the photos!”

But anyway.

How to make art out of a car crash

August 29, 2006 - Leave a Response

Yesterday 8:10 am I had the first car crash in my life, thank God that I am still alive. My car was hit by another car behind me, and my car was pushed to another car in front of me. So my car was like the flavoured cream inside the wafer biscuits. I thought that I was going to die, but (Unfortunately?!) I am still alive, and have to deal with things in my life (for example essays and my study). I wonder if I was dead, then this blog might have become famous, because I was trying all my best to make art even before my death. But anyway, I am alive, my blog will still not be famous for a while, and that means I still have to keep on making art. Isn’t that just so great?

As soon as I realised that I was still alive, I look out the window, the radio was still playing Nelly Furtado’s song “Promiscuous boy,You already know, That I’m all yours, What you waiting for?” and I remembered that on Sunday on the way to Rose’s exhibition, Simon was trying to explain to me what the lyrics were saying in this song. As as foreigner, when I listen to English songs, I ususally only listen to the melody, as soon as I find out the lyrics, then I might not like the song as much as before I knew the lyrics.

I turned off the radio, turned off the air conditioning, turn off the car, and then come out of the car to see what happened. Luckily there was no one hurt. The guy came out of the car and saying sorry it was his fault, he said that he was going to change the lane to the left but he saw a motorcyclist running from his back so he had to turn back, by the time he realised, it was too late to stop his car. I asked everyone if they are alright, everyone was alright, I felt better. I even smiled! I soon called up Simon, because he works at AA Insurance and he used to tell me all the stuff about what I should do if I ever have a car crash but I never paid attention because I thought that I was a good driver. Maybe the good driver don’t hit others, but might get hit by other people’s car. He told me to get their details, car registration number, insurance company and the claim number. I feel so grateful that I have such a good boyfriend, he might not be very rich, but he is very helpful when something like this happens.

After we three cars exchanged our details and stuff, the policeman stopped all the traffic for us to let us drive to the grass area at the left. Can you imagine how good the feeling it was like? Usually you can enjoy such kind of advantage when you are Helen Clark or Queen Elizabeth II–the policeman stop all the busy traffic for just only you at the busiest moment in the morning! How divine! I felt I was the VIP of the mortorway, I was the queen of the mortorway! But anyway, we drove our cars to the grass area at the left handside of the mortorway. i got out of the car, the policeman was asking us questions, the first question he asked me was “Did you wear your seat belt?” Well, even I was not wearing it, I am still going to say yes–how can you say no for it? you have to say yes! they are not going to find out anyway. But anyway, I wore my seat belt, and I handed in my lisence to the policeman. This is probably the first time ever someone has asked me for looking at the driver’s lisence, it feels like all the hard work and the money that I have put into getting this lisence is just for this moment– to show the policeman that I was legally driving my vehicle. He asked me if the car was belong to me–of course, I am very proud that I have been trying so hard every week working and paying off for this car–and actually I am going to pay off next week–well, never mind, just like what No.6 of the Worst Art Award said: Shit happens. it’s just the way it is.

I was probably the most unsual person that anyone can ever see in a car crash happening–I was confident, smile, lovely, gorgeous, nice, calm, warm, loving, caring, etc. I was like the artist that hangs around the exhibition opening, talking to people, trying to make joke, and comforting people. On the car that hit my car sit a lady, maybe she is the driver’s wife. She was shivering, crying, and looked lost. I went up to her and try to comfort her, it always happens, don’t worry, it’ll be alright, we are very lucky that we are still alive, thank God we are still alive, we still have tomorrow, we can still do something tomorrow… She must be extremely shocked. I hope that she becomes well. Later on the ambulence car came, she went on the ambulence car to the hospital.

I called up Karen that I would not be able to turn up for the Life drawing, I hope that she is alright. She wanted to know what happened to my car and if I was still able to drive my car, I said that my car was totally ph**ked up. She was shocked and hoped that I will be alright. Oh Karen, my favourite friend.

And then I called up Rose and told her that I might not be able to go to work in the afternoon. She was screaming “REALLY??? YOU POOR THING!!! …” I promised her that I will call her in the evening and tell her everying. She said, “definitely, definitely!! Good luck for your car!” Well, good luck for my new car.

And then I realised that actually I can take some photos for this event! Maybe I can make some art out of it!

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This is the back of my car.

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This is the side of my car.

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This is the front of my car.

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Maybe I can put this photo into The Worst Photography Award?

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This photo is quite bad too, but you get to see how badly crashed of the car behind me.

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The policeman was talking to the guy who hit my car. I think he looks like the David Brent in The Office.

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It was happened before Sylvia Park. The ambulence car was going.

And hey, now I just realise that I have not taken any photo with my car! Gosh, these are the first shot of the car?! I can’t believe it!

A little profile of my car:
Nick name: Little Happy (named after a dog doll I used to have when I was little.)
Birthday (the day I bought it): 22 Februery, 2006
Star sign: Pisces (maybe that’s why it always looks a bit sad?)
Chinese Horoscope: Dog (same with me)
Personality: Slow (like Simon), Lazy (like me), wake up late in the morning (like me), etc.
Favourite drink: 91 unleaded petrol
Favourite drink shop: Shell
Favourite passenger: Simon
Favourite driver: Well I am going to write down Hungwei anyway.
Favourite scenery spot: Mission Bay

I told you the orchids are green!

August 29, 2006 - 2 Responses

orchid.jpg

Ok, so now you believe that the orchids are green?

You don’t have to work that hard

August 25, 2006 - One Response

My cousin Jack is studying 4th form at Auckland Grammar at the moment. One day his friend at school told him,

“Why do you work that hard? You don’t have to work that hard! In the future when you look for a job, no one will ever check your fourth form’s grade for god’s sake! Who cares how well you have done on your math when you were fourth form? Who will want to know that you were the top student when you were fourth form? What’s the meaning for working so hard?”

I still remember all the things that I have been doing when I was in junior high school. When I was at his age I was excellent in everything, had awards on writing, things like that. But who knows that now I have forgotten everything about writing in Mandarin? No one.

I remember when I decided to come to New Zealand, my best friend said to me, “What a shame! You are burying your talent! You are killing yourself!” At that time I tried to let her know that my talent will only grow, not buried. But now I suddently understand what she meant. To be honest, I feel struggled when I am writing Mandarin. I have to admit that yes my talent was murdered by myself, now I feel like I am sitting no where, I have no where to go.

But then again, now I am not fourth form anymore, I can’t always look back how good I was. I have to always look forward to tomorrow. Only when I am thinking that there is tomorrow, I have hope. It’s a bit like on Trademe website: Don’t ever feel sad about no one bid on your stuff. The hot auction always starts at the last few hours, you never know who was watching your auction.

Selling art on Trademe for Dummies

August 23, 2006 - Leave a Response

1. Big canvas: the bigger the better, people love to buy big canvas on Trademe! If you can’t afford to buy a big canvas, then buy a couple of medium size canvases and do a big landscape painting that you can put two paintings together or seperate. If you are really poor, buy 9 (or 16, or 25) small square canvases, usually they are $3.99 from stationery shop, and make a series of paintings that you can put together or seperate!

2. Popular themes: these are the most popular themes I found so far,
*Maori/Pacific patterns: Use only 3 colours (red, black, white) to make a gorgeous Maori style painting. Kowhaiwhai, Kete, Tukutuku, Koru, poupou, etc.
*Flowers: paint the flowers as big as possible.
*Woman (-en) figure (s): you don’t have to do the woman figure painting that looks like Angelina Jolie or Kate Moss, as long as anyone can recognise the woman figure, then you done your job.
*Beaches, ocean: all you need is all kinds of blue and yellow ochre (the sand colour)
*Sunset: if you only have red, white, yellow and black, try this.
*Abstract: the easiest way of doing abstract painting is toning. All colours welcome.
*Love hearts: oh yes, who can’t draw a heart?

3. Always sign your name: because people like to buy the painting with a signature, just in case the artist might become famous one day. People consider your signature as a vital part of your art, or maybe I should say, your signature is more important than your artwork.

4. Describing the work: as exagerating as possible. As many nice adjectives as possible. Always use positive words. There are some vocabularies for you to choose: gorgeous, brilliant, bright, excellent, absolutely, stunning, beautiful, creative, colourful, perfect, lovely, contemporary, modern, no reserve, textured, vibrant, funky, interesting, highlight, enjoy, hand painted, distinctive, etc.

5. Ready for hanging: if you don’t want to spend money on framing your work, then buy a nice stretched canvas and paint on the canvas. Because there is not only you want to save time and money.

6. Tell a story: can be anything, say something like you were always the top art student since you were in the kindergarten, you are a member of solar system art community, you are married with some kids and how many grand children… you don’t like to talk about yourself? talk about your cat, your car, your husband/wife/partner… if you are not good at telling stories, ok, write a poetry.

ok, anything else?

You can be a selling artist on Trademe!

August 23, 2006 - 4 Responses

Trade me is a good place for cleaning your garage (or home or your room or store room, etc), all you need is the ability of telling a good story!

I like to see the paintings that are sellling on trademe, not because they are good, no, no way. I mean, some of them are really good, but some of the artworks on Trademe really make me feel I am wasting my time (4 years) and money (20 thousand dollars each year) on study in art school.

Let’s have a look at what’s on the “Hot Auction” section on Trademe website.

abstract-134-11.jpg

1 bid, $134 so far
Abstract painting is always the winner.

figure-and-coffee-178-24.jpg

1 bid, $100 so far
Well, if you don’t know what to do, a woman figure (or a couple) with a cup of coffee is always going to sell! Remember that not only rich or bored housewives are looking at the paintings, some stylish cafe owners are looking at art section too!

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1 bid, $100 so far
Believe me, I have seen this same figure on different style different canvases on trademe webside at least 10 times!!! No matter how bad the techniques are! And pay attention to the price! someone is going to pay $100 for this famous reproductivious figure!

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3 bids, $70 before auction closing, reserved price was $120
Don’t laugh. And believe me the reserved price was $120 no joking.

love-hearts-81-1.jpg

1 bid, $81 so far
love hearts and silly flowers are quite popular too.

ocean-75-11.jpg

1 bid, $75 so far
If you want to sell your art as a New Zealand artist, you must do some paintings of the theme of the ocean or the beach.

ocean-41-14.jpg

14 bids, $41 so far
Or look at this, frangipani flowers are very popular too! Add them into your ocean painting!

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6 bids, $100 so far
Hey wait a minute… I think my fifth form art students can do better than this! I should get all of them to put their work up on Trademe! God, do you know how much $100 New Zealand dollars is?

sunset-99-11.jpg

1 bid, $99 so far
Simon’s comment: I would like to buy this painting to spport the artist to buy a bigger canvas… rather than using 3 canvases instead.

If you only have red, yellow, black and white, then do a painting of sunset can make you some pocket money too!

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30 bids, $154 so far
Look at that, 30 bids! But I swear, if you miss this one, you can always come back on Trademe, there are always thousands of them.

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19 bids, $22 so far
Ok, if you can’t draw, can’t do anything, that’s not an excuse for not making art to sell on Trademe! I promise that there must be something you can do! look at this! All you have to do is just to buy a couple of big canvas and some colours, and maybe ask your arty friend to teach you what “toning” is. If you don’t have any arty friend, ok, I’ll describe here. All you need to do is to screeze the colours on to the canvas and use your brush to mix them. Isn’t that easy enough?

toning-5555-3.jpg

3 bids, $55.55 so far
This one is a bid tricky, but the same, it’s just toning.

toning-80-11.jpg

1 bid, $80 so far
If you can’t draw a figure, or if you have just made a really ugly figure painting, don’t worry, toning can solve everything.

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1 bid, $99 so far

toning-112-21.jpg

2 bids, $112 so far
Ok, now can you tell me what’s the difference between the two paintings above? Yes, they are horizontal and landscape toning paintings. But here what I would like to show you is the colours. Remember, Natural colours are always the most popular colours! They are easy to suit any kind of sofa or wall. The natural colours are: White, Yellow Ochre, brown, burnt umber, etc.